"Noonan's Putt"

By Drew Lyons

I caught the tailend of the classic gem “Caddyshack” on IFC the other night, and while the overall film more than holds up after a 50th viewing, I realized for the first time ever a fundamental flaw in the pivotal final scene. And no, has (almost) nothing to do with Carl Spackler and his arch nemesis The Gopher; has everything to do with the rules of golf and wagering.

Bear with me, please.

The original matchplay bet was 20 grand each for Judge Elihu Smails & Doctor Beeper vs. 20 grand each for Al Czervik & Ty Webb. So the winning twosome, in straight matchplay, wins the whole pot of 40 grand (and then presumably splits that down the middle, but with Smails, you never know if that equitable distribution would be honored in his twosome).

At the turn after 9, over hot dogs at the snack bar, Smails gets under Czervik’s skin after needling him about his own twosome’s sizable lead, and they consequently double the bet from 20 grand per player to 40 grand per player. For a total pot now of 80 grand. Trust me, this is all important, so your patience is appreciated.

Now, we all remember Czervik’s faked elbow injury on the back nine, thus bringing in Danny Noonan as the presumed ringer. He appears, via montage, to do a very admirable job of bringing their twosome’s score down considerably; as to close the existing gap. But who could also forget Ty blowing up in the final stretch? Setting us up for the ultimate barnburner to follow.

Which brings us to the final controversial scene, on the 18th green. It opens with Lou Loomis, the mutually-appointed referee of the match, loudly declaring that “Gentlemen, through 17, we are all square! Best putts win it all!” Again, this is very important.

For those non-golfers out there, this means that all 4 players are exactly tied in total number of strokes for the round. For argument’s sake, let’s just say they are all at 70. Noonan’s birdie spree combined with Czervik’s previous bogey spree basically balance out).

Furthermore, all 4 players have more or less equally distant and makeable putts, though none are gimmes. I’d estimate they are all about 20 footers, give or take.

Dr. Beeper goes first, and chokes on the first putt. Makes his second putt.
Judge Smails is up next, and with the help of Old Billy Barule, drains his first putt. Impressive.
Ty is up, and like Dr. Beeper, chokes on his first putt. Makes his second putt. Danny Noonan is the last player out, and must now make his 20 foot putt in one, in order to, and this is the crux of my beef...
PUSH the match into a playoff. NOT WIN the whole thing outright.

Again, if Noonan makes his putt in one, he will PUSH a playoff, NOT WIN the matchplay! One can only assume that Loomis would have mandated a playoff hole for the foursome back to the 18th tee box to settle it, in the event of Noonan’s one-putt.

Instead, and this is where the rules of both golf and wagering really come into play, right before Noonan strokes his first putt, Czervik yells out across the green (and over the heads of the now rather large gallery), “Hey Smails! Double or nothing says the kid makes it!”

Judge Smails reluctantly agrees, with plenty of harrumphing to punctuate his displeasure. But he does agree in the presence of all, and for purposes of my argument, is all that matters.

As we all now know, thanks to Carl’s varmint bloodlust and ballistic tactics, Noonan’s first putt ultimately does drop. Which causes a straight tie between the twosomes. Again, technically, a PUSH in the 18 hole team matchplay. NOT an outright win.

So, and due largely to Czervik’s hutzpah prior to Noonan’s stroke, the following scenario SHOULD have taken place:

As the double-or-nothing-on-one-putt bet was only between Czervik and Smails, Smails would owe Czervik 80 grand straight up. And then the twosomes would STILL have to play one playoff hole to resolve the team matchplay bet.

However, as the entire course was destroyed at that point by all the explosions, thus rendering a playoff hole of golf untenable, Loomis should have proposed the following gentlemanly way to resolve the team matchplay bet:

The teams adjourn immediately to the clubhouse, Smails pays Czervik the 80 grand outstanding before even a drink is ordered, and then the original twosomes play one team game of billiards or darts to resolve the matchplay bet.

So, just for fun, let’s say Judge Smails & Dr. Beeper win in a single team game of 8 ball, then Czervik would take 40 grand out of his existing 80 grand, and hand that over to Smails immediately. Ty would give 40 grand out of his own (presumably deep) pockets to Doctor Beeper. Then everything wager-wise is, finally, resolved.

Noonan would be altogether exempt from the above clubhouse proceedings and/or debts/winnings (as he was only a substitute in the golf matchplay, and never technically had any “skin in the game” in the form of cash at all). His role in the playoff would be rendered moot; unless Czervik still elects him to stay in the playoff on his behalf AND stakes his portion of the bet. My guess, and would be his absolute right, is that Czervik would want to play the playoff himself with Ty (as Noonan was an unknown/untested player of pool or darts; his “ringer” status was only that for golf).

Therefore, in closing, I would like to propose that this glaring error be corrected in the form of a reunion of the original cast, and filming as I have suggested above, for a DVD extra in the 40th anniversary box set (coming up in 2020). Should be titled “Alternate Ending” in the DVD main menu.

I will await the studio’s word from here. I ask only for a film credit.